


Forgive Me

by Avereality



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blue Lions but Actually Crimson Flower, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, M/M, Multi, Other, You get betrayal you get betrayal everybody gets betrayal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24163609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avereality/pseuds/Avereality
Summary: Forgive me, for the things that I did, but mostly those that I did not.Byleth faces her Blue Lions after siding with Edelgard at the Holy Tomb. She wonders if she made the right choice.
Relationships: Annette Fantine Dominic & Mercedes von Martritz, Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth, Felix Hugo Fraldarius & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Sylvain Jose Gautier/Mercedes von Martritz
Comments: 19
Kudos: 63





	1. The letter that changed the world

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! This is my first fanfiction, ever, so I would appreciate any praises as well as constructive criticism! I read this quote, "Forgive me for the things that I did, but mostly for those I did not" on Tumblr and it really resonated with me. I kind of imagined what it would be like if Byleth had just let things be, instead of actively trying to reach out and help people. Then it kind of devolved into her abandoning the Blue Lions and joining the Black Eagles instead. Enjoy!

There’s a folded sheet of paper on Byleth’s desk.

Written across it are the words ‘Please read, then burn’ in her own handwriting. Byleth’s eyebrows furrowed. She didn’t remember writing anything like that today, or even yesterday, and to be honest, she was so exhausted from a long day of teaching the Blue Lions that she just wants to sleep.

Still, she wasn’t about to ignore it, not after all the seemingly impossible things that had happened to her.

Walking over to the door, she closed it, and then locked it. Then double-checked the door was locked. Whatever this was, she had a feeling that no one should be seeing it.

She picks up the paper, just looking at it in her hands. It felt significant somehow. It felt like a fork in her life that she might not want to be on. But she had to know.

She unfolds it.

Quite a lot of the letter is smudged, as if water had dripped onto the paper, but the ones that are legible immediately fills her with fire as she reads about Rhea’s past immoralities.

Byleth feels overwhelmed. Thoughts swarm her head, battling for her attention. The letter crumples in one hand and the other grips the wooden desk for balance. She feels just like when her father died; the world warps and blurs into the background. Emotions stir up a storm in the usual calm of her mind and soul.

_Rhea experimented on her? On other girls? In a mad effort to get her mother back?_

The end of the letter writes: ‘ _Edelgard will attack the Holy Tomb and start a war against the Church_. _Please end it there, so that others may not suffer needlessly in her war. So that your students may live_.’

Byleth collapses onto her bed. Rhea ruined her and so many other babies’ lives. Possibly even killed Byleth’s mother so that the experiment wouldn’t be revealed to others. She maintained that bigoted Crest system and had the entirety of Fodlan under her thumb, punishing those who went against her ideals under the guise of justice.

She reads through the letter one, two more times, to commit it to memory, then lights the corner of the letter by the fire of her candle. The pain from her fingers getting slightly burned ground her to the earth, helps her to focus her thoughts.

Eventually, the thoughts fade until Byleth only has one idea in mind: Rhea must pay for her crimes with her life.

* * *

Byleth is no fool. Taking on the archbishop in front of her confused and clueless Blue Lions and the Knights of Seiros would be suicide. She had to wait until Edelgard made her entrance in the Holy Tomb, until she had backup.

So, she waits and pretends. It’s not difficult. She is curious about the throne in the Holy Tomb and sits on it waiting to see if something happens. Something does, but not to her. The Flame Emperor storms in with Imperial troops and Rhea orders Byleth to defend the Holy Tomb. Her students charge forward, all except for Dimitri and Sylvain.

Byleth does none of that. Instead, she raises the Sword of the Creator high, and swings it down. The sword extends like a whip, and arcs down towards Rhea’s back.

“Professor, what are you doing?” Dimitri, the one closest to Rhea, notices it and attempts to block with his lance. The sword’s path is diverted and cuts across Rhea’s lower back, deep enough to incapacitate her, but not fatal. Byleth narrows her eyes. Rhea collapses to her knees, her hands starting to glow with a white light. Sylvain blocks Rhea from Byleth's sight, eyes wide with surprise and fear. 

Byleth looks Dimitri in the eyes and says clearly, “Rhea must pay for her sins.”

"Sylvain, take the Archbishop and go." Dimitri barks out, facing Byleth fully. Without another word, Sylvain carries Rhea in his arms, situates her across the saddle of his horse and gallops for the exit. Dimitri covers his retreat from Byleth, grinding his teeth and regarding her with feral eyes as their weapons clash. The others barely hold a path for him, and he exits the Holy Tomb without further delays.

But without Byleth’s tactical guidance, the Imperial troops soon overwhelm her students and the Knights of Seiros and advance towards her position. With a quick twist of her sword, she wraps it around Dimitri’s lance and pulls hard. It clatters loudly on the floor next to her foot.

Dimitri stares at her, betrayal clear on his face. “What have you done…” He growls furiously.

She circles around him and moves towards the Imperial troops, who are wary of her but don’t attack yet.

The Flame Emperor stares at her impassively.

“I want to join your cause.” Byleth declares loudly. “Emperor Edelgard.”

The Flame Emperor removes the mask and reveals the smiling face of Edelgard von Hresvelg.

“We welcome you with open arms, Professor.” Hubert narrows his eyes suspiciously and opens his mouth to protest, but Edelgard only silences him with a wave of her hand. 

The Blue Lions can only watch their professor turn traitor and leave without a single word of explanation; Dimitri murmuring furiously to himself, swearing revenge.

Edelgard and Hubert (after much convincing from Edelgard) take her back to camp, where the Black Eagles regard her with no small amount of surprise. Dorothea asks her about betraying Dimitri, to which she replies, “I will do whatever it takes to realise my dream.”

Then they are storming Garreg Mach, and rubble is falling on her, and she is furious that this is the end of her, not having accomplished her dream of getting revenge. As the rubble blocks out the light, she hopes that at the very least, her students will eventually forgive her for her betrayal. 

* * *

Byleth wakes up to a very different world, five years later.

The mannerisms of the villager who had fished her out of the river were the first sign. He had the wariness of one who had seen the horrors of battle and its aftermath. His fingers fidgeted on the wooden shaft of his fishing spear, and his eyes held a hint of mistrust even as he warned her away from the monastery.

As she trekked to the monastery, she observed that the rivers around the monastery are small and fish are scarce, while the forests are mere skeletons and branches, rife with deadly monsters (beasts and humans alike).

What has become of Fodlan while she slept?

A small Imperial patrol spots her on her trek, and their shouts of “The Ashen Demon is back!” and “Our war is as good as won!” does not answer her questions. They rush her back to a nearby Imperial encampment to check her over for injuries and send the good news to the Emperor.

Edelgard arrives as fast as she can with the Black Eagles in tow. The moment she lays her eyes on Byleth, she runs up to her and hugs her tightly. The people around them are sneaking peeks at the entourage out of the corner of their eyes. It’s not every day you see the Emperor running and showing affection towards someone that they have never seen before.

“Perhaps we should take this inside.” Hubert’s no-nonsense voice and piercing eyes scare the bystanders back to their daily routines, and the group moves into the war tent.

Hugs and joyful cries are heard all around as the students reunite with Byleth. She takes a moment to take in their appearances. So much has changed in five years and not necessarily for the better; Caspar’s boundless enthusiasm is tinged with anxiety, Dorothea sounds wearier and Petra always has her hand on the shaft of her axe.

They pepper her with questions about where she’s been and _how are you even alive you got crushed by huge chunks of rock-ow Linhardt!_. She waves them off, stating that she herself doesn’t quite know.

To her surprise, Felix, Ashe and Annette are there with the Black Eagles, at the edge of the group.

Byleth tilts her head and raises an eyebrow at them, curious.

“There’s no future for Faerghus anymore, not when Dimitri is the way he is,” Felix states matter of factly. Byleth wonders what happened to Dimitri, and something in her chest squeezes as she thinks-

“Is he dead?” Byleth can’t help but ask. Felix stares her dead in the eyes as he says, “He might as well be.”

“The Church needs to be reformed.” Annette cuts in. “You know what it did to Sylvain and Mercie!”

Ashe nods vigorously, his eyes grim. “They need to pay for what they did to Lonato.”

Edelgard steps forward. “They will. Now, Professor, let’s get you up to speed on what has happened the past few years.”

Byleth is particularly shocked to hear that Dimitri has been crowned king by Rhea herself and is now honour-bound to protect her and the Church. She knows what that means. She’s not naïve; she must face her former students on the battlefield.

She does, first with the Golden Deer. Leonie is livid at her tainting Jeralt’s memory. Ignatz is disappointed by her supporting Edelgard’s ideals. Hilda stares at her in disgust like she’s the sweat on her clothes after a long training session.

She cuts her way through them to Claude.

Claude smiles at her, but his eyes show his disappointment.

“You broke Dimitri, Teach.” Claude says mock-casually. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

Something twinges in her at that.

Eventually, they are victorious, and Claude retreats, wishing Edelgard all the best in achieving her dreams.

“With Claude gone, the Alliance is as good as ours! From here, we march to take Faerghus!”

And Byleth is forced to face her sins.


	2. Betrayal in Arianrhod

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ingrid stands her ground against Byleth and Ashe.

Arianrhod is quickly becoming a mess of bodies and blood, and even Byleth, the master tactician that she was, was exhausted. One breath of rest, she told herself.

Inhale, exhale-

“Professor!” Ashe’s voice startles her eyes open.

She dodges just in time as a lance pierces the air where she was just standing. Byleth spins around and blocks the follow-up sweep of the lance with the flat side of her sword, and stares into the furious green eyes of Ingrid Brandl Galatea.

* * *

_“Did I do well, Professor?” Ingrid smiles triumphantly from her position over a dazed Felix. Poor man, he had never seen it coming._

_“You did excellently, Ingrid. Good job and get some rest.” Green eyes blinked, taken aback by the rare praise. She helped Felix up, and they turned to return their weapons to the rack._

_“Thank you for your help, Professor.” Ingrid turns her bright smile to Byleth. “You’re a great teacher.”_

_“Of course, she is, especially if she can teach you to get the better of me.” Felix mutters, a bit sulkily. Byleth and Ingrid laugh, and they exit the training grounds. The warmth that settles in Byleth’s heart from Ingrid’s heartfelt compliment stays there for a very long time._

* * *

Ingrid disengages first and retreats backwards on her pegasus.

“It seems that you’re not dead then, Professor.” Her eyes and voice are cold as ice as she puts away her silver lance and retrieves Luin. Her Pegasus whinnies in anticipation. “Let me correct that.”

Byleth steadies herself, one hand on her sword, and the other ready to carve out a Cutting Gale spell.

Ingrid lunges with a face full of betrayal and disappointment, Luin glinting wickedly in the light.

* * *

_Byleth was passing through the stables, looking for Ferdinand, when she heard soft sobbing. She peeked around the corner and saw Ingrid, shoulders shaking. A letter was crumpled in her right hand, and her left hand covered her face. The letter was signed off with ‘your loving father’._

_“Ingrid?” Byleth had called out. “Is everything alright?” Swiftly, the young noble had wiped her face and spun around to face the professor, hiding the letter behind her back._

_“Professor! Yes, some hay had gotten into my eyes.” Ingrid sniffed. She stood ramrod straight and refused to meet the professor’s eyes._

_Byleth regarded her for a moment, unsure of what to do, before reaching out and patting a hand on Ingrid’s shoulder. “If you need to talk, feel free to find me.”_

_“Will do, Professor.” Ingrid cracked a small smile. Byleth patted her shoulder one last time and left the stables, feeling as if she had spoken wrongly. The faint sound of sobbing starts up again._

* * *

An arrow sails through the air, and Ingrid rears back just in time to avoid a fatal hit on her Pegasus. She turns slightly to face the new arrival, her eyes narrowing at the sight of Ashe.

“You.” She spits venomously. Ashe bites his lip, regretful, but his aim stays steady. “You lied.”

“I’m sorry, Ingrid.”

“No, you’re not. If you get to punish the church for what they did to Lord Lonato, it doesn’t matter if you abandoned your ideals of knighthood.” Her voice wavers, and the next few words were almost too soft to hear.

“It doesn’t matter if you abandoned me.”

Byleth almost feels like a stranger, as the tension thickens in the air. She wasn’t blind back in the Academy. She had known that something had gone on between Ashe and Ingrid. To see something that had been so pure and innocent, tainted and broken in the wake of war, made something inside of her ache.

* * *

_“Ashe!” Ingrid’s excited voice could be heard clearly even above the din in the dining hall. Byleth trails in after Ingrid and goes to stand in line for her meal, watching Ingrid._

_Ashe looked up from his meal, a smile slowly spreading across his face. He rises hastily from his seat and rushes towards her. “Is it what I think it is?”_

_Ingrid doesn’t stop running and plows straight into Ashe, throwing both off balance and crashing to the ground. Some bystanders watch in amusement, while others sniff haughtily at the unladylike mannerisms of the Galatea heir (Lorenz, mainly)._

_Ashe laughs, rubbing his head, while Ingrid blushes slightly, a dust of pink on her cheeks, and checks him over for injuries. They help each other off the ground._

_“I’m fine, I’m fine! Tell me the good news!”_

_“I passed the certification exam for Pegasus Knight!” Ingrid is smiling from ear to ear, showing him the certificate in her hand. “Thank you so, so much for practicing with me!”_

_Ashe rubs the back of his head bashfully. “It’s not a big deal.”_

_“It is! I must treat you to a meal as a gesture of my gratitude.” Ingrid insists._

_Ashe’s eyebrows furrow and he considers it for a moment. “Well, alright, if you insist.”_

_“Great, I will see you for dinner!” Ingrid smiles and then runs off, no doubt to tell Sylvain and Felix and her father the good news._

_Dorothea, who stands nearby, watches her go, then saunters up to Ashe with a knowing twinkle in her eyes._

_“Dinner, huh?” She teases him. A red flush spreads from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. He retreats to his seat to finish his meal, and Dorothea lets him go with a teasing laugh._

* * *

Nowadays, Dorothea finds no joy in teasing Ashe about girls. Byleth would see his eyes glaze over when a pegasus flew overhead.

Ingrid glances over at Byleth, and then straightens in the saddle, the fire back in her eyes. With a loud ‘hya!’, she dives straight for Byleth and aims for her head. Ashe and Byleth re-engage.

It is not an easy fight, with Ingrid’s excellent dexterity and aerial prowess, but finally, the fight is over when Ingrid’s pegasus crashes to the ground from a Cutting Gale spell. She hadn’t been able to dismount in time, and her legs were pinned underneath the huge weight. As Byleth and Ashe approach, Ingrid laughs (a cruel, bitter sound).

“All these years, I had hope that you were alive, that you would have come back to us.” Ingrid coughs up blood. “Why did you choose Edelgard, Professor? Why did you have to do that to us? To Dimitri? I would have rather you be dead.”

“Rhea must be punished.” Byleth says firmly.

Ingrid sighs in resignation. “Then do what you must. I won’t stop fighting until I’m dead or victorious.”

Ashe closes his eyes and turns away. Byleth hears a sniffle and a muffled “I’m sorry.”

“Rest in peace, Ingrid. I hope that you find Glenn in the afterlife.” Byleth ends it quickly, for both Ingrid and her Pegasus. The wind picks up as they still, and she and Ashe walk away to help the front lines.

She imagines Ingrid on her pegasus, flying free, far away from the cruelties she experienced. She hopes Ingrid is treated better in her next life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart ached a lot when writing this chapter, especially when contrasting the happier memories in the past, and their sad reality now. I'm sorry to say, it doesn't get any better in the next few chapters :(
> 
> Leave a kudos and comment if you enjoyed!


	3. Tears in Tailtean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix and Sylvain break a childhood promise.

Felix is embroiled in a fight against Sylvain, evenly matched as they engage and disengage. Sylvain’s hair is as unruly as ever, whipping against his cheeks as he darts in and out of Felix’s attacking range. She needs to teach Felix black magic for some range, she muses to herself. Or force a bow into his hands. She runs forward to assist and fires an arrow for Sylvain’s neck.

By a stroke of luck, he moves back to readjust his position on the saddle, and it misses him.

He turns to face her, a smirk widening on his face.

* * *

_“Hey, Professor. Care for a meal?” Sylvain saunters up to her with a wink._

_Byleth doesn’t get unnerved easily, but something about Sylvain’s flirtations makes her skin crawl. Just a little. It’s harmless, but romantic attention was something that she had never truly had to deal with, since Jeralt’s powerful aura and her reputation kept the mercenaries of the band in line._

_“Thank you, but I would have to decline.” Byleth tilts her head politely and makes a move to leave._

_“Professor, wait!” Something in his plea stops her, and she turns around to face him, confused by his intentions._

_His mask drops for a second, and she truly sees him for the first time since coming to the Academy. He looks exhausted. His eyes have shadows under them, and he regards her with a surprising mix of vulnerability and tentative trust._

_“I know you think of me as an unrepentant philanderer.”_

_Byleth considers her answer for a moment before she responds. “Yes.”_

_Seeing a different woman hanging off his arm every other week did make her think that way, but it was not truly her business to interfere with her students’ personal lives._

_She had let things be and left Ingrid and Felix to wring his neck._

_“I think highly of you, professor, and I hate for you to look at me with such mistrust every time I approach you. I just want to explain.” Sylvain looks at her so earnestly that she agrees and focuses her full attention on him. “I don’t trust women. I’ve been approached so many times because of my Crest that they don’t seem to see me, the real me. So, I just think that having flings is better. Less heartbreak for me and the lady.”_

_His words stir a memory in Byleth’s mind. She had come across him cooking with Mercedes in the kitchen last week. The duo had been laughing without a care in the world, flour smudged on Mercedes’ cheek and caught in Sylvain’s hair. He had looked at her with such trust and (maybe even) love that Byleth was surprised Mercedes couldn’t see it._

_Then Sylvain had turned to retrieve a wet cloth to wipe the flour off, and she caught Mercedes staring at his back, her face a reflection of Sylvain’s a moment ago. Byleth was certain, then, that Mercedes loved him for who he was, not for his Crest. After all, she had been hurt by people for her Crest too._

_She wondered if she should advise him to tell Mercedes how he felt. But apparently, she had stayed silent for too long because before she could, his mask was back up again._

_“Well then, thanks for hearing me out, Professor. You’re a real good listener, you know.” He winked and Byleth was left staring at air._

_She felt honoured that Sylvain had chosen to trust her with his opinions and sympathetic of his loneliness and mistrust of others. But she didn’t know what to do. And so, she just let it be._

* * *

“Well, well, if it isn’t the Professor,” Sylvain’s distinctive drawl sounds wearier. “Still looking as beautiful as ever.” 

A fire spell heralds his attack as he gallops towards her, Lance of Ruin poised to strike. She dodges the fire spell and counters his lance, using his momentum to guide its tip into the dirt next to her. She stays silent even as they disengage, and he circles around for a better opening, careful to keep an eye on Felix as he runs over to join Byleth.

“What? No words for your favourite student? Well, I guess Edelgard’s your favourite student now, huh,” His mask barely hides the note of bitterness. His eyes narrow, and the corner of his mouth quirks up a sardonic smirk. “I really should have wooed you better all those years ago.”

Felix growls, feet and arms moving into a fighting position. “We’re wasting time.” He darts forward and Byleth throws a spell to cover him. Sylvain’s horse gets hit with the spell and bucks, throwing Sylvain off. He lands in the dirt and rolls, eyes full of determination even against overwhelming odds, bringing his lance up-

Just as Felix’s sword cuts him across the chest. Sylvain stumbles, clutching the wound, and sinks to his knees.

Blood spatters across the dirt and their faces and Sylvain laughs, an awful choking sound. The blood across his face paints him as a madman as he attempts to laugh. The Lance of Ruin falls to the dirt; its bones stop clacking. “Never could best Felix when he was using a sword.”

Wheezing breaths filled the air, as Byleth sheaths her sword and Felix kneels beside Sylvain. He bows his head, not meeting Sylvain’s or Byleth’s eyes.

“Hey Felix, remember our childhood promise?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, Sylvain.”

“It’s fine, Felix.” Sylvain laughs again, and blood spills out of the corner of his mouth. “Find yourself a nice girl to settle down with, like Annette. And I’m not going to be around anymore, so take care of yourself, alright? I’ll take care of Ingrid on my side.”

“I will.” Although his voice is steady, Felix’s hands clench in the dirt, trembling. His chest heaves. Sylvain’s hand finds Felix’s shoulder and pats it weakly.

“Be happy, Felix.”

Sylvain’s eyes fix on a point behind Felix and he murmurs, “Yeah Ingrid, let’s go.”

Felix’s head snaps up, eyes wide with surprise. “Sylvain, what are you saying?”

But Sylvain’s gone. Byleth closes her eyes, the sight of lifeless eyes and bloody smile bright in the darkness behind her eyelids.

Felix stands, Lance of Ruin in his hands. He hooks it on his back, face schooled back to impassivity. His eyes are fixed to the ground, and his nose is red, even underneath all that blood. His face is wet, and Byleth has the sinking feeling that it’s not the rain.

“I’m going to help Bernadetta. Find Annette. She might need some help.” Byleth pretends not to notice the unsteadiness of his voice and nods in assent.

He runs as fast as he can away from the scene, and Byleth looks back one last time at Sylvain, armour stained with blood and dirt, an ache in her chest. “I hope you find love under a kinder sky, Sylvain.”

The rain beats down mercilessly on her head in answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired directly by the dialogue between Felix and Sylvain if Felix faces Sylvain as an enemy in Crimson Flower. I made it extra angsty and sad by having Ingrid come to escort Sylvain into the afterlife, sorry :( The trio is left with only one person alive.
> 
> If you liked this, do leave a kudos and a comment! They are always appreciated!


	4. Flower Amidst the Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byleth finds a flower in the midst of a bloodbath.

Byleth stumbles across Mercedes and her bishops healing a troop of injured Gautier knights. Even at that distance, Byleth can see Mercedes’ familiar worried crease between her eyebrows as she scans around the Gautier knights, looking for a familiar mop of fiery red hair. She speaks softly to one as she heals him, and he shakes his head no.

Byleth’s heart squeezes. She wonders if Mercedes knows that Sylvain is gone.

Some of the fully healed knights notice their presence and charge. Byleth readies herself for battle, attempting to weave in between horses to get to Mercedes, who begins to rain down Bolganone spells to keep Byleth’s corps away from the healers and injured.

Byleth’s fighting prowess is unrivalled, but the combination of Gautier knights and healers providing rapid-fire support was wearing her and her corps down. They will need support for this, Byleth realises quickly.

She signals to one of her corps to run and signal for reinforcements. Swiftly, the soldier steals a horse and makes off into the darkness. She covers the soldier’s escape, then faces the enemy with new resolve.

She reverts to her mercenary ways, aiming for quickness and efficiency in killing. Even so, Byleth can feel the exhaustion in the air. The rain and dirt don’t make it very easy to manoeuvre either.

Eventually, Mercedes finds her way to her.

“It is lovely to see you alive, Professor.” There is a sincere smile on Mercedes’ face, despite the dirt smudged on her cheek and the blood staining the skirt of her white healer’s robes.

“But why did you decide to stand against us? Against Dimitri?”

Mercedes was kind, understanding and patient towards everyone, which made her apparent disappointment and confusion of Byleth’s betrayal cut deeper than any sword ever could.

“You’ve broken our trust, taken our friends and now you’re going to take our home, Professor. When will you end this?” Mercedes frowns, and the furrow makes an appearance again.

“When Rhea is punished.” Byleth tells Mercedes. If she had been here, at Tailtean Plains, she would have ended it then and there and left Edelgard’s forces. But, as fate would have it, Rhea was late, and she had to fight alongside Edelgard to ensure that she got to Rhea.

Mercedes’ hands glow with light. “Then I’m sorry if I cause you any pain-”

* * *

_Mercedes’ sword clatters harmlessly against the far wall. Byleth lets out an exhale and raises an eyebrow at her stunned student. She should have taken Dimitri’s warning a bit more seriously. The boy was scarcely afraid of anything._

_“I’m so sorry, Professor!” Her eyes were wide and her face pale. “I wasn’t trying to kill you, I promise!”_

_“Throwing a sword can harm someone, but perhaps we should learn how to wield it properly to deal even more damage, Mercedes.” The corners of Byleth’s mouth quirks up just a little bit. Mercedes’ eyes widen even more, and her hands cover her open mouth._

_“Well, if it can make the stoic professor smile, the lack of sword training was all worth it.” Mercedes giggles. Byleth let out a huff of air._

_“Was that a laugh, Professor? Oh my, it is a good day today.”_

_Byleth shook her head and handed a wooden sword back to her. “Let us use this instead.”_

_Mercedes nodded gratefully. “I would hate to kill you on accident, Professor.”_

_“Do not worry, it would be difficult to do so. Now, let’s begin with the basics…”_

_Laughter. What a foreign but welcome feeling._

* * *

Byleth snaps to attention as bolts of lightning from a Levin Sword flew her way. A Cutting Gale spell causes the lightning to fizzle uselessly against it and dissolve.

“I’m sorry I’m late, Professor!” Annette sounds out of breath. Around them, Byleth heard fire and ice cutting into flesh as her corps gets to work.

“Annie,” Mercedes’ eyebrows furrowed again.

“Mercie,” Annette’s chin quivered. “Won’t you join us? Please!”

Byleth had thought she would, considering her hate for the Crest system.

* * *

_Byleth wandered into the kitchens for a cup of tea at night._

_She is greeted by a familiar cake smell and the sight of numerous trays of sweet baked confections, baking ingredients and tools fighting for space along the empty wooden countertops._

_In the middle of this sweet storm, stands a familiar blonde. Her baking apron is dirty with a mixture of flour, chocolate and frosting. Her hair is up in a messy bun, and her cheeks are dusted with flour, with a clear line running through them, as if something wet had cleared the flour._

_“Mercedes?”_

_Mercedes snapped out of the daze she was in and turned to face the newcomer with a strained smile. “Ah, Professor? I’m so sorry for being here so late, I just wanted to bake to get things off my mind.”_

_Byleth stayed silent for a beat. “What happened?”_

_Mercedes’ smile dropped and her sigh seemed to come from the very depths of her soul._

_“I received a letter from my adoptive father this afternoon. He is attempting to arrange a marriage with a man from a noble house of high standing, namely, Lorenz.” Mercedes clasps her hands in front of her and squeezes her eyes shut as she sighs. “I do not wish to be his wife.”_

_She shudders, muttering almost imperceptibly, “Him and his laughable noble ideas…”_

_Byleth cocks her head to the side, resting her cheek in her palm. “Could you not refuse?”_

_“I do not know how without being able to provide for my mother. My father might do something to her to control me.” Tears well up in her eyes._

_“I want to be with Sylvain. But I fear he might see my confession as one that is pressured out of me by my father.” A fat tear escapes and rolls down her cheeks. She wipes it away quickly, not caring that another streak of flour is left in its wake. “I don’t know what to do.”_

_Byleth, once again, is at a loss for words. She stays silent, gathering her thoughts and as she is about to speak-_

_“Alright, Professor, I’ll clean this up and go to bed. Be ready for a sweet treat tomorrow!” Mercedes smiles at the professor with a hint of her usual placidity and calm and busies herself with putting away the aftermath of her stress baking._

_Byleth, feeling dismissed, quietly leaves the kitchens without her cup of tea._

* * *

“Now, now, Annie. We chose our sides long ago, and I told you that violence is not the way to change the hearts and minds of people. I stand by what I said, and I stand with Dimitri.” With that, Mercedes initiates the fight, throwing a Ragnarok straight for Byleth.

It’s over quickly. Mercedes is outnumbered and with Byleth’s and Annette’s high magic resistance, her magic attacks aren’t as effective as they would have been. Byleth whips the Sword of the Creator and Mercedes sidesteps straight into Annette’s spell. The wind spell makes her stumble and fall to her knees, coughing blood into the dirt.

Annette rushes forward, supporting Mercedes and stopping her from falling face-first into the mud.

“Mercie…” Her gray eyes fill with tears. She murmurs apologies repeatedly.

“Hush, Annie, it’s alright.” Mercedes coughs again and hugs Annette to her side. She pats her weakly before turning her attention to Byleth.

“Professor, I must ask, do you know if Sylvain…?”

Byleth shakes her head.

“Alright. Perhaps we can be happy together in another life.” Mercedes smiles. “Maybe all of us will. Take care of yourself, Annie. Professor.”

She goes limp in Annette’s arms with a gentle smile on her face.

Byleth squeezes her eyes shut as Annette’s sobs get louder. Their battalions look away respectfully and busy themselves with securing their surroundings and any surrendered enemy soldiers.

“We have to go, Annette.” Her whisper can barely be heard. Byleth coughs to clear her suddenly tight throat and tries again. Annette looks up this time, wiping her tears from her cheeks and nodding. She lies Mercedes down gently and says a quick prayer.

“I’m ready. Let’s end this.”

Byleth turns away from Mercedes and heads towards the frontlines. A flash of pure white catches her eye, and she turns to see a single white daffodil blooming under a tree, pristine despite the blood and dirt that is splattered around it.

She leaves it be, and soldiers on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, another chapter inspired by Crimson Flower dialogue :') Mercedes was one of my favourite characters, and I always admired her strength and kindness despite all of the awful things going on in her life, so I tried to emulate that kindness yet resolve and determination to stand by her friends. 
> 
> I chose white because it stands for innocence and purity, and daffodils for rebirth, new beginnings and eternal life. It also symbolizes unrequited love (or so she thought). A single daffodil foretells a misfortune, which did happen to Mercie :') 
> 
> Anyways, do leave a kudos and a comment if you liked it! Always appreciated ;)


	5. Broken Wishes, Buried Treasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dimitri wishes Byleth well. A new Fodlan rises from the ashes of war.

The sound of demonic beasts roaring is deafening. Byleth feels a fire rise in her, because of course, Rhea would do anything to win this war. Edelgard signals the archers and mages, and the sky almost seems to be blocked out by the flying flames. It spreads along the enemy’s side of the plains, igniting the screams of those being burned alive. The front lines advance, mages throwing water spells to clear a path as they go.

Dimitri emerges from the flames, and for the first time in her life, Byleth falters before an opponent. She stops and drinks in the sight of him.

* * *

_Byleth cocks her head to the side, looking at her house leader’s appearance. Hilda had teased her the day earlier over their shared meal, asking if she had fallen in love with Dimitri’s ‘good boy’ looks and charm._

_“I love Claude, the dear boy, but Dimitri just has that…good boy air, doesn’t he? Such a capable prince yet tease him a little and he turns as red as a rose. How adorably innocent.”_

_She does suppose that Hilda is right. He had impeccable manners, treated everyone equally and with care, was an excellent fighter and a sight for sore eyes. Many of the students and staff swooned at the sight and mention of him. So capable, they would whisper excitedly. A most excellent choice for king._

_Dimitri seems to sense her gaze on him and looks at her. “Ah professor, is there something wrong?” Caught staring, Byleth panics, and blurts out the first thing that comes to her mind._

_“Doesn’t your hair get in the way of your sight?” Dimitri blushes and she laughs at his stuttered disagreement, relieved that her experience in fending off Sylvain’s flirtations had sharpened her quick thinking and deflections._

_“You’re cruel, Professor!” Dimitri huffs exasperatedly. “I like my hairstyle just fine.”_

_“Perhaps you could grow out the rest of your hair to match it.”_

_“Professor!”_

* * *

To say that Dimitri looks like a wreck is to put it kindly. The years have been so cruel to him. He’s grown in the past five years that she’s been gone (swept away by time), taller and broader, a hulking demon. His long hair cast a shadow over his sunken cheeks and crazed gaze. His eyes seem to be fixated on a point behind her, and he murmurs to himself. The fur around his shoulders lend him the air of a wolf mad with bloodlust. 

Byleth feels the weight of guilt and regret settle in her chest. _You had a hand in this_ , a voice accuses. _You weren’t there for him, and his mind fell in on itself._

“You…” Dimitri growls. “Why do you aid her? I must crush you too. The dead call for her head, and you are in my way.”

“Dimitri, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” No number of apologies could make the sour taste in Byleth’s mouth go away.

“I have no forgiveness to give to you. Give your apologies to the dead for defending that woman!” With that, Dimitri leapt at her, Areadbhar raised.

Byleth grits her teeth and shores up her resolve. She must end this fast.

It’s the hardest fight of her life.

Dimitri is physically much stronger and bigger than her, and even though he lost his mind to madness, his fighting skills seem to be even better than when he was a student. One swipe of his lance and a tree is cleaved clean in half. His fist cracks the earth she stood on just a moment ago. He charges at her, and-

_Their weapons clash with a loud clang. Byleth redirects his force with a tilt of her sword, and his lance swipes the air next to her, leaving her with an opening that she seizes, catching his side and sending him sprawling on the dirt. He looks up to find Byleth’s sword at his throat._

_“Well fought as always, professor.” Dimitri takes her hand and congratulates her graciously._

_“You’re improving, Dimitri. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” For a moment, his eyes darken. Byleth wonders what haunts such a young, kind soul._

_“Yet, I must strive to be even better.” Byleth knows something is left unsaid. She wonders what it is._

_She considers him for a moment, then extends him an offer. “I know that I am not the most socially apt, Dimitri, but if you ever need someone, do not hesitate to find me.”_

_Dimitri halts in the process of setting his lance back on the weapons rack. He turns around, hope and caution warring in his eyes. “Truly?”_

_Byleth nods firmly. “Truly.”_

_But with her father’s death, the reveal of the Flame Emperor and her betrayal, he never gets the chance._

“Get out of my way!” Dimitri roars in her face. His anger seems to take physical form, making the air around them oppressive, bearing down on her shoulders and neck and heart.

“I can’t. Not until Rhea is destroyed.” Up close, sword and lance crossed, she can see his dry and cracked lips and the sins written in the scars on his face. The crack inside her widens.

Dimitri thrusts his lance forward in a downward lunge, and she throws herself to the side, avoiding a clean puncture to her gut. She attempts a long-ranged swing to his open right side, but he counters it easily, just like she taught him.

She ducks a swing at her neck, raises her sword against the next forward thrust and steps back to play defensively.

“Scared of me, are you? I thought you were fearless, Professor!” He laughs darkly.

Byleth carves out the sigils of a Nosferatu spell and hurls it at him, catching him off guard. He stumbles back, clutching his head and blinking at the blinding explosion of light.

“I’m not wasting time here. I will avenge you, Father! I will bring you her head!” He cries out, and his swings become more reckless, more desperate.

One wide swing leaves his right side completely open, and Byleth seizes the opportunity. The Sword of the Creator hums and burns brighter as she clutches it. _Sothis, give me the strength to finish this_.

The sword pierces clean through his chest.

Dimitri doesn’t resist, doesn’t fight gravity and slumps onto Byleth. She drops the Sword of the Creator and immediately hugs his form. His blood soaks into her clothes, smears on her exposed skin. She flinches at the knowledge that she caused this, when once she was the one who swore to lead her students. Adrenaline fades away, and his weight brings them both to their knees. 

“I’m sorry, Father…Mother…Glenn…I’ve failed you…Edelgard lives and Faerghus is gone…please forgive me.” His voice is so pained, so full of regret.

“They will.” She hugs him tightly, as if her sentiments could be transferred to him by force of will alone. “Dimitri, do you remember the Goddess Tower?”

A pause.

* * *

_“Professor, you’ve heard of the legend behind the Goddess Tower, yes?” Dimitri comes to stand next to her on the balcony, staring out at the beautiful moonlit night._

_“The Gatekeeper told me. It’s an interesting legend, although I can’t say that I put much stock into it.” Byleth confesses to him. The moonlight shines gently down on them both, making him look younger and softer. The joyful noise of the ball is far away, leaving them to enjoy the peace and quiet companionably._

_“Well, there is no harm in wishing. What would you wish for, Professor?”_

_“I don’t really know.” She smiles wryly. She was never one with a creative imagination, nor have a penchant for fantasies. Life as a mercenary removed the rose-tinted glasses very quickly. “What about you, Dimitri?”_

_“I wish for us to be together forever.” It’s difficult to tell, but Dimitri’s cheeks seem a touch pinker._

_Byleth’s eyes widen, and she feels a heat rise to her cheeks._

_“Just joking, of course.” Dimitri laughs, but the sound is hollow._

_He pauses for a second, eyes downcast, before continuing in a firmer voice._

_“I wish for a world where no one is unjustly taken.”_

_“That’s a good wish.” The screams and cries of the victims on her travels echo in the back of her mind; begging for their lost loved ones, for their homes. “I hope you may achieve it.”_

_The next day, she loses Jeralt._

* * *

“I’m sorry I couldn’t fulfil your wish.”

“I knew…it was a lost cause even as I wished for it to be true. With everything I had.” Dimitri huffs out a semblance of a laugh. “The path I was on...it could only end with her head or my death. There is nothing else.”

She hesitates a beat before the truth spills from her mouth.

“I wished for you to live a good and long life as the King of Faerghus.” She whispers to him. “With or without me by your side. But I’m the one who destroyed my own wish.”

“I hope, at least, you get your wish of revenge. We were never meant to be, Professor, but I thank you for not allowing me to die alone.”

He takes one last breath and closes his eyes. The weight on her shoulder becomes impossible to bear.

Before her time at the monastery, Byleth had never experienced emotions for herself. Whatever emotion she knew, she had seen it in others on her travels with her father. The one she had seen the most; that haunted every mercenary in the band, every survivor they came across…was guilt, loss and regret. She had never known what it was like to feel them, had only seen it in dead-eyed stares and heard it in nightmare-induced screams.

Now she knows. She knows the weight of the guilt as she stares into her former student's lifeless eyes. Byleth knows that she will live with this guilt until the day she dies.

Sometimes, guilt could only be absolved through forgiveness. But the dead were long gone.

A dam inside of her breaks, and grief rushes forth like a flood. Tears spill from her eyes, as numerous and quick as the rain, landing on Dimitri's shoulder pad with soft pinks.

A cry of anguish is ripped from her throat. It sounds like the thunder in the distance. Faintly, as if she was underwater, she hears footsteps coming towards her.

She scrambles for her sword in the slick mud, and points it at the intruder, her body still curled protectively around Dimitri's.

It's Edelgard, face inscrutable as she takes in the scene, holding her hands up to placate Byleth.

Byleth holds her sword up for a beat longer, wondering what it would feel like if she just extended the Sword and cut Edelgard's throat right now.

Or maybe her own. A soft voice whispers in the shadows of her mind.

Eventually, she lowers her sword to her side. She can't falter. Not after so many sacrifices. She must see this through to the end. She starts to follow Edelgard out of the clearing but stops and turns back around to Dimitri’s body.

The weight of an alternate life rests heavily in the pocket of her shorts. She fishes it out, and stares at her father's ring through blurred vision. 

_Next time, kid, give it to someone who is precious to you._

Kneeling next to Dimitri's body, she buries it in a hole next to him.

“Goodbye, my king.”

She is told later that Dedue was one of the demonic beasts that was slain. She closes her eyes and wonders how many more must she face before she can punish Rhea.

Byleth is never the same after Tailtean Plains. She sees the ghosts of the Blue Lions students around the monastery. Mercedes and Annette baking in the kitchen. Dedue tending to the flowers with Ashe in the greenhouse. Ingrid and Felix pulling Sylvain away from another hapless girl. Dimitri training in the training grounds, smiling at her in that heart wrenchingly innocent way of his.

It wasn’t until Rhea lay on the ground in front of her, blood pooling around her white robes that she understood.

She was the monster. How many of her students had she felled to get to Rhea, telling herself that it was to bring Rhea to justice?

She was no different than Rhea. She had appointed herself as judge, jury and executioner, with no accountability to anyone. And the Black Eagles had let her.

A flash of blonde hair catches her eyes, and she looks up to find a bloodied Dimitri watching her through the flames. _Was it worth it, professor? Did you get what you wanted?_

“It wasn’t worth it, Dimitri.” Byleth chokes out, the Sword of the Creator's familiar hum dying to nothing. Her green hair and eyes darkening.

Dimitri is joined by the other Blue Lions, their gazes betraying nothing as they stare at her unblinkingly.

_Then why did we pay the cost for it?_

She lets go of the Sword of the Creator and drops to her knees, bowing her head in shame and repentance.

_Forgive me, my students, for the things that I did. But mostly for those that I did not._

But when she looks up, her students are gone. Only the wind answers her plea.

* * *

A new Fodlan emerges from the ashes of the church of Seiros. Edelgard bestows the position of esteemed advisor and war hero on Byleth, who doesn't care enough to protest.

Claude becomes king of Almyra, and makes reluctant peace with Fodlan, although Byleth feels Claude’s unspoken accusations every time he arrives on diplomacy visits. She embraces it, a reminder that she killed her own students; something that the Black Eagles never brought up after the war. Claude never says anything outright, of course, knowing that insulting the Emperor’s favourite will lead to adverse consequences. But Claude has always been good at making his feelings known without having to say them, and she feels that accusing stare all the same.

Felix and Annette leave Enbarr after Fodlan stabilises, declaring that they wish to travel before returning to their estates. Ashe joins them, wanting to restore Lonato’s estate.

As the Black Eagles wish them farewell at the city gates, Annette pulls Byleth in for an extra tight and extra long hug.

“We can’t stay.” Annette whispers with tears in her eyes. Byleth nods. She knows.

It still doesn't stop the seed of bitterness and pain planting itself in her heart as she watches them ride away. The only three students left in this world who can understand her pain, her guilt are leaving her behind in a city of people who rejoice at Faerghus' and the Alliance's downfall, who spit at the name of the “King of Delusion”.

The nightmares and nights are even worse after that, and Byleth often finds herself waking up to one of the Black Eagles Strike Force hovering over her, three castle guards behind them searching the room for intruders.

She feels like a zombie in the day, and a ghost haunting the castle at night.

Eventually, Byleth leaves Fodlan entirely. (There is nothing to stay for anymore.)

The Black Eagles, Edelgard especially, beg her to stay. But her mercenary expertise is no longer required, she points out gently, and she wants no part of Empire politics. She packs her belongings into one bag and travels first to Brigid, then the ruins of Dagda and Duscur. She disguises herself when travelling in Almyra, not wanting to draw attention to herself, although she does sense a few spies following her discreetly through the marketplaces and the towns.

All throughout that time, she finds her guilt haunting her even in the light of day. The smell of freshly baked goods. A womanizer hitting on some giggling ladies in the street. A wyvern’s shadow darkening her path.

She spends her final years in a small town near what used to be Fhirdiad, teaching the local townspeople to defend themselves against bandits and wild animals.

One night, she goes to sleep and dreams the sweetest dream in her life. She and Dimitri stand face to face in the warmth of the setting sun, a myriad of pinks and oranges painting the sky behind them. She reaches into her pocket and slides her father’s ring on Dimitri's finger, whose face lights up with hope and love. He slides his ring onto her finger, and they beam brightly at each other. 

She reaches for his face, ring glinting brightly in the sunset-

And wakes in her quarters in the Academy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the worst to write. I loved Dimitri, and the thought of having to kill him was horrifying. I recently played Golden Deer, and facing him on Gronder Field was bad. Hearing about him being impaled by lances was a nightmare. 
> 
> The worst part of this whole thing was Byleth wondering if her revenge was all worth it in the end, and if the price she paid made her a monster. That's one of the reasons I can't agree with Edelgard's ideals; the fact that she started a war, rather than attempting to negotiate or find out more about the past like Claude, makes me wonder if she actually cares about the masses, fixing the issues caused by the Crest system (because that shit doesn't magically disappear like in Crimson Flower), and solving the possible civil unrest from taking other kingdoms by force.
> 
> I left the ending open and ambiguous because I am considering writing a second part where Byleth kind of fixes all of her mistakes and is a better professor to the Blue Lions, but we'll see. In the meantime, you can imagine that after Byleth wakes, she marches up to Dimitri and kisses him so hard that he never turns feral :P 
> 
> Anyways, leave a kudos and a comment if you enjoyed! Until next time and another fic :)
> 
> The lovely Karini (@Kariniarts on Twitter) drew [ this art piece ](https://twitter.com/kariniarts/status/1291632697190694912?s=2) inspired by my fanfic aaaaaaa do check her out! Her art is gorgeous! Thank you so much, Karini :D
> 
> The art by Karini:  
> 


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